How to Cultivate Confidence

Cultivating Confidence

Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something. It is also defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

What is confidence?

The paragraph above holds dictionary definitions of confidence. Really, confidence is your state of mind about yourself. How you feel about yourself when you are by yourself.

Sure, you can also have confidence in other things besides yourself; people, or events. I have confidence in Google Maps. Confidence in my dogs barking at every noise outside. I am confident that Jose will make the bed every morning. I could go on and one about things I have confidence in. But I hear crickets when I think about what things I have SELF confidence in.

Okay, now that I have sat here and thought about it for a few minutes, I have realize I am confident that I do great work and am very productive between the hours of 5 and 7 am every day. I have confidence in my ability to be dependable, empathetic, and kind. But that took a lot of thinking and the list is pretty short…

Confidence Exercise

Pull out your pen and paper, or type this on your phone or computer, & make your list of what you feel confident in.

Having trouble coming up with ideas to fill the page? Call your loved ones and see what confidence they have in you. I will do the same!

I have previously posted about two ways to build SELF confidence, check out this post.

  • Keep the promises you make to yourself
  • Give yourself credit, CELEBRATE!

Yes, those are ways to boost your confidence. But SELF confidence is composed of many different things. Your knowledge, experience, your beliefs, etc.

Where does confidence come from?

All of those pieces, mentioned above, your knowledge, experience, beliefs….. Those small bits and pieces add up to create your character and your story. Can you change this story? Can you change this character in order to improve your SELF confidence?

I think so.

If you don’t like something about your present self, what happened in the past to make you feel like this? If you are worried about the future, why is that? Can we dive deep and work out the negative thoughts and emotions in order to provide power in the present moment and hope for the future? Can we learn to exponentially grow from out past by focusing on the positivity?

Imagine that you constantly think about the good things and not the bad things. How much would this change your SELF confidence.

Confidence Exercise # 2

Do this for me, but most importantly do this for yourself:

Everytime you start to feel the slightest bit of some negativity; a thought, emotion, a memory…. pause (read this blog). But before you even do that, replace that negative “thing” with a positive one.

I know, habits are hard to break, and new ones are hard to form. So try putting up sticky notes, reminders on your phone, writing on your bathroom mirror with dry erase marker, or get some sort of small object or bracelet that will constantly remind you to work on turning the negatives into positives.

For an example, if I am not able to fully help a patient, I can get pretty down in the dumps. I have been working on almost instantly flipping that switch. So that, as soon as a memory of a patient I was unable to help comes into my mind, I quickly think of all of the other patients I have helped.

Getting back on track now….

Confidence can also start with understanding the “if/then” relationship with your personal values. This tidbit of wisdom comes from Dave Hollis’ talk during the Rise X Live virtual conference.

If I want ____________ , then I ____________

If I want to be great at online marketing, then I need to do the work and read content and look into courses.

If I want to be a faster marathoner, then I need to do more speed drills, tempo work, and get comfortable with being at race pace or faster for longer periods of time.

What would you insert into these blanks? We could truly take the practice of keeping small promises to yourself and work this with the above statement. Your promise is what you want to do. Your plan of action to keep this promise is your then statement.

But what you truly want and what your promises should resonate with, are your personal values. Can you identify your personal values?

Here is what I came up with:
  • Appreciation of life, excellence, and beauty.
  • Believing in karma
  • Kindness
  • Honesty
  • Empathy

Are you struggling to list values? Take this test for some assistance.

Putting it all together

Use your personal values to help create/ remember your true identity or character in your story. And reframe your past hardships to help build your present and future self. Do not let previous negative events, thoughts, emotions decrease your SELF confidence.

Replace negative “things” with positive ones, practicing until it is almost instantaneous.

Decide on the things you want, and make a plan to get there, celebrating your small victories along the way. These will all build SELF confidence.

But also ensure you surround yourself with a positive environment. Your environment, especially the people you surround yourself with, can have an impact on your confidence. You become like the people you spend the most time with. So you may need to consider establishing healthy boundaries for people in your life that make you anxious or steal your confidence.


Practice. As I mentioned earlier, habits are hard to break and are hard to form. Practice is required for your confidence to stick overtime.

When or where were you able to push beyond what you believed you were capable of?

Leave your thoughts, questions, or comments below. I would love to hear from you!

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